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Saturn Return: The Awakening

This is the 9th article in my newest series, Saturn Return. These posts are from amazing souls who have gone through theirs (or are still in their Saturn Return) and are sharing their stories to help us prepare and reflect on the powerful effects the planet Saturn has on our lives. What is your Saturn Return? This is the best explanation I have found.

KV from Aquarius Nation also made this amazing free episode about the Saturn Return on her Earth Walk Podcast. So so powerful!

So grab a cup of coffee or tea and stay awhile. Let your soul be immersed in these stories and be open to what you need to hear.


:: Sadie Rose ::

Before you read my story, I would like to thank Marissa for the opportunity to be a part of this series. What began as an assignment on Saturn return ended up being a therapeutic writing session on one of the most transformative years of my life. Until now, I hadn’t written about it, despite knowing I should. Oh, and like many women my age, my Saturn is in Libra. Here’s to balance and the brutal pursuit of personal justice:

At 29, I was years deep into a committed relationship with a man I loved dearly. That year, we decided to move out to the country together to fulfill our homesteading dreams and to begin living happily ever after. Right before the move (in the thick of winter), as we were gathering our resources to move, I was struck down by a powerful illness. As a strong and healthy individual, this was unusual. After 4 days of a high fever and shifting in and out of consciousness in my bed, my inner voice spoke up and told me to go get antibiotics because my body couldn’t do this on it’s own (the voice actually said, “you aren’t winning”). I remember clearly the fear that gripped me when I realized how sick I was and how high my fever had been running during those few days. 

To make a long story short, I took the antibiotics, and though the actual sickness went away, I had taken a serious hit. My body was weak and I felt cold all the time…so cold! I had never been so cold in my life. I could not get enough layers on my skin, and when I saw other people in minimal layers, I ached for them, worried that they would feel the deep chill that enveloped me. 

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With the help of pure magic (and my boyfriend), I managed to move out of my house and help my honey move out of his house. There was a lot of cleaning involved, and the process was physically and psychically taxing. Finally we arrived on the new place out on the land. I’ll feel better soon, I thought. Now I’m done moving. A few months later, spring began to peek her head through the clouds:

Okay, maybe now I’ll feel better, because it’s springtime. Everyone feels better in the springtime, right? 

Still, time moved forward and I felt mostly awful. I had no energy and was uninspired – my creative projects floundered. To compound matters, I was hard on myself, criticizing my fatigue and worrying endlessly that I was being a bad mother. I felt unable to connect with my friends, as the clouds that hung around me were fuzzy and hard to talk about. I blamed myself. I needed to snap out of it. And why was I so tired all the time? 

Finally summer arrived, big and hot. I was still struggling with energy and direction, and the bright sun and parched red hills made me feel overwhelmed, like I needed to breathe more. I craved rivers and wet moss. In June of that year, I was approaching my 30th birthday, and I dragged myself, against all exhausted odds, to the 30th birthday party of my best friend. She had rented a pool house for the weekend, and the house was teeming with babes in bikinis and platform shoes, beaded earrings and wide-brimmed hats. The drinks were plentiful and the food was fresh. (Yes, it was as good as it sounds).

That weekend, beneath the stars in Napa Valley, I had an experience that brought me back into my body. 

Yep. I didn't really know that I’d been out of my body, but something activated my spirit and it came rushing back into me, upward, as though I had buried it deep below me. It nearly moved me to tears. I remembered these things (that I had forgotten): I am bright; I am full of light; I have much to offer the world. And then I realized these things (that I had not wanted to notice): my spirit is unwell; I am not happy right now. 

And in that moment, my life changed. 

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I slept that night under the stars and returned home with a new agenda, new inspiration in my blood. Something was brewing deep in my belly, and when I got home, I took action. I vocalized the fact that I was depressed. This alone was tremendously scary. I was afraid of rejection and scorn, but of course I was met with compassion and support. My friends wrapped me in their wings, and I took myself to my Naturopath and told her my story. It turns out that my respiratory illness those 8 months before had triggered adrenal burnout and I had been suffering from the effects ever since. The adrenal fatigue, combined with other elements in my heart and spirit, had been wearing on me and I was exhausted and I was depressed. It was sad and it was scary. However, leaving my doctor’s office that afternoon, I felt elated. Someone could help me! She gave me medicine! She could treat my adrenals! This meant it wasn’t all up to me and I didn’t have to do it all on my own. 

I’ve called this piece “The Awakening.” I view that night under the stars as the moment of awakening, when the information was delivered to me and I remembered my spirit. This moment encouraged me to seek help and to find medicine for my physical body, and, as you might imagine, this was only half the battle. I knew now I would have to face the worst part of the work I needed to do: I needed to leave my relationship. Though I fought this for a long time, the truth sat deep inside of me and radiated a slow and steady light. I went through a period of total sadness and grief as I slowly, begrudgingly let go of my happily-ever-after dreams. I said goodbye to my visions of marriage, of forever, and I let go of my illusion of complete and total safety. I was being called back to my own path, the one I came here on and the one to which I needed to return, alone. 

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Of course, I am condensing this story immensely here. This whole chapter spanned the distance of about 14 months, and a lot of it was grueling, tear-filled, and terrifying. The man I loved was no longer part of my destiny, and it was a hard reality to swallow. We did the best we could. We worked really hard and we broke through a hundred walls; we were reborn over and over again and now I know exactly what it means when someone says “the only way out is through.”

In the end, I left my relationship, against all odds. I moved with my son to our own little cottage in the woods, surrounded by fruit trees (and, as fortune would have it, a few guardian angels). My road to recovery was not swift, but it was also not terribly slow. I treated my adrenals with diet, exercise, and botanical medicine. With time, they healed. I learned many lessons in listening to my intuition, being honest with myself, and in asking for help. I learned that friends will always be friends, but they will be superheroes when you humble yourself, let the tears come, and speak your truth and ask for assistance. 

I learned that I am very, very strong. 

I learned that The Awakening comes hand-in-hand with the darkness, the death. (It is truly darkest before the dawn).

 



It is my hope in telling this story that it will shed light for any or many of you going through a similar process of your own. May this story help you navigate your own Saturn return and give you faith that the breaking down of your familiar structures is only part of the path to your higher self and your true happiness. I wish you many blessings on your own transformation. I promise you will come out the other side, and you will love what you see. 

Sadie Rose is a writer, designer, stylist and vintage clothier. After graduating from the University of Oregon in 2004, she spent several years in Portland, Oregon, connecting with the creative heartbeat of her generation.

She now lives in Northern California where she works with a large network of other women to produce art and beauty through creative design and collaboration. Through her styling and consulting, Sadie Rose weaves the rich history and fine craftsmanship of vintage textiles into modern stories of femininity and fashion.

When she is not making things, designing things, styling things, or thinking about doing these things, she enjoys reading excellent novels, drinking tea, and sitting in the sun. Above all, her greatest pastime (and accomplishment) is watching her 9-year-old son reveal to her the great mysteries of the universe.

website :: pinterest :: instagram :: twitter


More in the Series

** click on their images to read their stories **


Saturn Blessings,

Marissa Moondaughter

moon my compass // intuition my voice // crystals my companions

blog <> pinterest <> facebook <> instagram

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Saturn Return: Finding my Purpose through Set Back & Shifts

This is the 8th article in my newest series, Saturn Return. These posts are from amazing souls who have gone through theirs (or are still in their Saturn Return) and are sharing their stories to help us prepare and reflect on the powerful effects the planet Saturn has on our lives. What is your Saturn Return? This is the best explanation I have found.

KV from Aquarius Nation also made this amazing free episode about the Saturn Return on her Earth Walk Podcast. So so powerful!

So grab a cup of coffee or tea and stay awhile. Let your soul be immersed in these stories and be open to what you need to hear.


:: Elle North::

I hadn't heard of the concept of Saturn Return until I was almost through with its process. Perhaps it would have helped me to put everything that happened during that time into perspective.  Perhaps it would have given me hope that all of the trials I experienced would ultimately usher me into adulthood and discovering my true purpose.  

In the moment, however, it's hard to tell someone experiencing a whirlwind of change and shifts that it will all work out for the best. 

My Saturn is in Libra.  The sign of relationships and balance.  For a bit more background, my sun is in Gemini and my moon is in Virgo. I'm the sort of person to have multiple interests developing at once.  I feel like I'm always evolving and picking up skills.  My Virgo moon makes me seem grounded and calm on the outside, but my Gemini sun means that sometimes, on the inside, I have a thousand thoughts and plans developing at once.  

Back to that Saturn in Libra.  All of that balance that Libra brings was totally thrown out the window during my return period, from December 2011 to September 2012 (and a little afterwards).

In retrospect, however, I see that a lot of spiritual growth was happening simultaneously alongside upheaval.

Sometimes things have to get crazy in order for you to find your soul's purpose.

During this time, I started to experience strange health symptoms.  I would have these crippling side pains that would leave me in bed for hours.  The pain was so intense once that it caused me to faint.  When I'd go to the doctor or emergency room, however, they found no cause for the pains.  I was also experiencing frequent migraines that would leave me in a haze for a two day periods.  I was never one to get headaches, so this was strange for me. Coincidence or not, once my Saturn return ended in September 2012, neither of these symptoms resurfaced.

Besides my health being out of balance, my financial situation was also unstable.  My husband and I were struggling to make ends meet.  We were on food stamps and kept the heat at 58 degrees or less through the winter in a very drafty old apartment in northern New England.  Shortly before my Saturn return began, my husband decided the best plan for our financial stability would be for him to go back to school full time for a new four year degree.  This meant that I was the sole income earner during the school year.  While I was working at a job that I loved, I was earning just barely enough to make ends meet for the two of us.  

This financial strain also put a strain on our relationship.  Not only was my husband occupied with crazy amounts of homework, he was also dealing with a wife going through her Saturn return.  During this time period I was pretty moody.  I was grumpy and constantly worried about my health problems.  It was all that I talked about.  I was struggling to stay positive but it was hard after all we had been through.  I'd say that I finally fully showed up as a partner for him the Spring after my Saturn Return, and our relationship became even stronger than ever.  Oh, and, my husband's sun sign is Libra...so I wonder if that had anything to do with all of this.

While my husband was busy with school, I was busy too.  The month my Saturn return began, I was offered a work-study exchange for a yoga teacher training.  I had earned my Reiki Level 1 in September of 2009, but in May and July of 2012 (towards the end of my Saturn Return) I studied Reiki Levels 2 and 3.  I became a certified Reiki teacher a couple of weeks after I became a certified yoga teacher.  That summer I amped up my meditation practice and it became an integral part of my daily routine.

Around this same time, I was offered a new job which would give me a much-needed pay increase.  

Things started moving forward full-force after that.  I deepened my knowledge of Tarot and crystals.  I saw my intuition develop in a phenomenal way.  Aspects of my career were slowly coming into place.

I am writing this exactly two years after my Saturn Return ended.  My career has developed in a magical way that lights me up and fuels my true purpose.  All of the learning that I did during my Saturn Return prompted me to begin Drawing Within (link?) this past year.  I am more financially stable and my husband is (finally!) in his last year of full time schooling.  I feel like Saturn return prompted me to figure out how to be comfortable with who I really was.  Once I found myself and nurtured myself, everything else seemed to fall into place.  In the falling apart came a building up.  There was a reason for it all.  It was just really hard to see clearly through the fog that Saturn cast over me at the time.  Now I feel awake and alive with purpose and love.  Now, I am stronger.

 I am an intuitive Reiki master who combines knowledge of Tarot and crystals to
create unique offerings for soul-seekers.

My work is to empower others to connect to their inner wisdom.  I believe in the
power of healing, energy, art, stones, and intuition.  An alchemist at heart, I thrive
in a space where things are sacred and full of ritual. I know transformation can
occur when we move the unconscious to the conscious; the inner world to the
outer world.

Let me be your guide you toward intuitive alignment & a deep sacred inner
connection.

Let's connect:  www.drawingwithin.com
Facebook:  www.facebook.com/drawingwithin
 

Reiki.   Art.   Meditation.   Intuitive Readings.  Crystals.  Tarot.   Ritual.


More in the Series

*click on the images to read their stories*


Saturn Blessings,

Marissa Moondaughter

moon my compass // intuition my voice // crystals my companions

blog <> pinterest <> facebook <> instagram

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Saturn Return: The Great Teacher

This is the 7th article in my newest series, Saturn Return. These posts are from amazing souls who have gone through theirs (or are still in their Saturn Return) and are sharing their stories to help us prepare and reflect on the powerful effects the planet Saturn has on our lives. What is your Saturn Return? This is the best explanation I have found.

KV from Aquarius Nation also made this amazing free episode about the Saturn Return on her Earth Walk Podcast. So so powerful!

So grab a cup of coffee or tea and stay awhile. Let your soul be immersed in these stories and be open to what you need to hear.


::Kari Tribble::

I believe we go through changes all the time. Everything does. However, Saturn Returns are the ultimate kinds of changes. No matter what anyone says, there really is no way to prepare for them. You have to embrace them as if you see a huge tidal wave coming and you are far from shore. You have to submerge yourself into the powerful push and pull of the wave... let it take you in, drown you, and feel everything that it demands fill up your lungs. You have to accept it, because fighting it will only make it worse and longer than it has to be. If you can flow and follow its teachings, you will rise up like the beautiful Phoenix that you are, and you will be evermore your truest potential as a human being.

This is my Saturn Return story.

Right before I turned 27, my life fell apart. At the time, I didn't really understand why, but in retrospect, I understand it all so clearly. I was living in Minnesota when the economy crashed and I became unemployed. My heart was excruciatingly devastated from the recent love battles it endured, and I went very internal and knew so much more was coming. I knew I was on a major walk of self-awareness and growth. Bigger than any walk  I have ever been on before.

I put all of my belongings into a storage unit, and went to stay with my sister for a while in Indiana. For four months, I wrote poetry, contemplated my life, and really learned what it meant to love myself. Self-love was the first lesson my Saturn Return gave me. After healing my broken heart and figuring out what I should do career-wise, I decided it was time to leave my sister's home and head back to Minnesota again. On the way back, I stopped at my home town in Wisconsin to visit with my father for a few weeks while applying for jobs. I was turning 27 soon and the eye of the storm was coming. I just didn't know it yet.

When I got to my dad's house, I went out that evening to meet up with some friends. That's the night I met my fiancé. He and I were both visiting Wisconsin at the same time which was a very divine intervention. Everything changed. I fell madly in love (the nutritious and delicious kind of love - finally!), and we both decided to stay in Wisconsin for a while and be together. I turned 27 shortly after this and about 8 months after that (after seeing the number 8 show up all the time), I became pregnant with my first child, a son. I also developed my Intuitive Reading business (I had been an intuitive reader for several  years, but decided to go out on my own), and focused on making more music and becoming financially independent. 

The pregnancy was rough, and I knew I was dealing with something big. This felt karmic to me. The pregnancy, my relationship with my fiancé... the whole thing seemed uncannily familiar. During the middle of my pregnancy, we moved to Minnesota and began to set up a new life there. I felt a lot better being in a bigger city and having all of the options for birth available to me. On May 8th, 2011 which was Mother's Day, I gave birth to my son, Aven. What a sweet gift he brought to me by being born on Mother's Day! It was a very complicated and difficult delivery - but I did it all naturally and I was very proud. 

While I was in the hospital, I developed an infection and was given some IV antibiotics. I ended up becoming mistreated by a midwife I was working with and I was sent home too early from the hospital. A couple weeks had gone by and my health really deteriorated. I couldn't walk from the pain, so my mother took me back to the hospital, requested a new doctor, and thus began the most scary and excruciating events of my life. All of my fears about my body, my reproductive self, my fear of death - all of this would be faced in the next several days to come. 

Immediately they ordered tests, and had an ultrasound performed. They realized there was remaining placenta in my uterus that wasn't removed after I had given birth. The infection that I had previously, came back stronger than it was before...and began to resist most other antibiotics. At this point, my body was septic. They had to do a DNC to remove the remaining placenta and during the procedure, I lost a lot of blood. I needed to have a blood transfusion. On top of that, the antibiotics they were using wouldn't work because the infection was too resilient, so they had a Disease Specialist come in to give me a new antibiotic that was newer on the market. I remember feeling very weak before this had happened. I also remember  feeling like I was fading away. I was fading away and now I know what death feels like. 

There was a very crucial moment that occured when I looked over and saw my mother holding my son in her arms. She had to feed him formula because I was too weak to breastfeed and I became so angry. Not the kind of anger I had ever felt before. It was this fire... this kind of rage... that I cannot really explain right, because it's not at all something I've experienced until that moment, or since that moment. It was a moment where I decided, I was NOT going to die. I was going to live and be there for my son. He would know me. I would know him. I would fulfill the rest of what I wanted to do here on this Earth, and that was that. During this intense moment, I started to pull off the wires and things attached to my arms and I started to cry. I started to vent. I released. I flooded my heart with all of the rightful emotions I should've felt leading up to that moment.

And that's when I came back. I was alive, and all of my vitals began to improve after that.

Recovering took a long time, but I managed to take care of a newborn baby and with time and determination - my strength slowly started to come back. I decided I wanted to experience a healing session at a Sundance ceremony in Wisconsin. My brother was going to pierce for me and soon after he did that, I went into a sweat lodge and prayed. When I was in there, I felt there would be more to come. More healing of a major kind. I knew this would be a necessary and it would change my life.

About 4 months after the Sundance ceremony, 6 months after my son was born, I went in to have a lump that formed on my neck inspected. It turned out to be a cyst on my right thyroid lobe. It was requested that I had it removed, which I did, and a few days later I received the worst call of my life.

"You have thyroid cancer."

My heart became so heavy. I immediately started to cry. The fear of death came back again. I didn't know what was going to happen and why this happened. I have been particularly healthy all of my life. So, why me? 

The recommended procedure was to have the rest of my thyroid removed, take radioactive iodine to kill any remaining thyroid cells in my body, and take thyroid medication for the rest of my life. However, by now, I had PTSD. The thought of having to go through another operation, experience more hospital treatment, and have the rest of one of my important body parts removed scared me to the point that I just couldn't do it. I needed a break from all of this. I thought long and hard, meditated and prayed about it... and I said no.

Luckily, if there's any kind of cancer to get in life, it's the thyroid one. The life expectancy rate is extremely high, the treatment for it doesn't require chemotherapy or anything too invasive... and if it comes back in my other part of my thyroid - I still have the same prognosis. I have my thyroid monitored very closely now, and so far there hasn't been any signs of cancer growing. If there is, I may have to have another surgery to remove it. However, I feel like I am changing that reality and I don't think that will happen. Regardless, I have peace now if it does. 

It took a very long time to recover from all of this trauma. I became extremely depressed, but with time, everything became better. I did end up having to take thyroid medication, because my depression was partially due to an imbalanced thyroid. I am grateful for this medicine. 

And during this recovery, my spiritual understanding grew much stronger. Coming close to death, experiencing my fears in full conscious reality - set me up for an understanding that changed my life forever.  Upon these realizations, I discovered that my fiance and I had known each other in a previous life and we had a very difficult life together. We both had fears that related to one another. He had a fear of losing the mother of his child after childbirth. I had a fear of dying and losing a child. In that particular life, according to a past life regression, we had lost a child, and I soon died after that as well. Now in this life, he has given me a child - and we both have lived. We are thriving. Karma cleared and we are full circle in balance now. 

The cancer that I experienced was a great teacher. I'm grateful for its gift of lessons. It taught me to make peace with the fear I had about death and other attachments to this world that I had. I realize that my voice and my purpose is meaningful and important (throat chakra) and I can do whatever I want with my voice. I can vocalize whatever I want. I realize that I do not need to be sick in order to satisfy false ideals and intentions that came from a society-influenced mind. I am perfect the way that I am. So are you.

I also healed a lot of energetic heaviness and weight that I carried around with me from multiple lifetimes. I understand now that Saturn Returns not only redefine us for this lifetime, but it also implements our soul's intentions while in this lifetime. If your soul wants to heal and deal with other lifetimes of experiences, then Saturn Return will assist with this, too.

As my Saturn Return began to let up (and it does feel like that), I began to feel like an entirely different person. I had to re-learn everything about who I was now. I, at the core, was still "me" - my spirit... but everything else, every layer that permeated from my core was now new. New colors, new feelings, new energies. The closer I approached my 30s, the closer I began to feel toward myself. Closer to myself than I ever have been before. My body is different, too. It feels different and it needs to be treated differently. I have limits that I didn't have before. I also feel close to my body's consciousness, which I've learned is different from my soul's consciousness.

I took the new knowledge, tools, and experience I gained and I use it to nurture all of my endeavors in life. I have learned to be peaceful about death. I've learned to love my body and say gratitude to it every single day for surviving what it did, and I am more grounded and centered, and full of self-love. 

I am focused on my new directions in life, harvesting the rewards of being a business owner, musician, mother, fiance, beauty blogger on youtube, and spiritual worker. 

Saturn Returns will be intense and full on. They will lighten up here and there to give you breaks, but they are very intense and difficult to experience.  They are here to strengthen you and challenge you. They will bring you the best of things and the worst of things. The contrast is very clear. 

Whatever you do, don't swim away from it. When you see and feel that tide coming toward you - take it in. Let the water fill your lungs and drown yourself inside of it. You will be a diamond after this. Just wait and see.

Intuition is our direct channel to the Universe. Everything within us is connected to this energetic anomaly, comprised of communicative and expansive knowledge. Kari uses her intuition for these reasons to help guide and assist people with their lives. In her readings, she explains the choices a person has to shape the outcomes they wish to see. She can turn any unpleasant situation into a positive learning experience, leaving her clients feeling at ease after every session. Kari is also a mother, wife, musician, makeup artist/blogger, and writer.
 

Intuitive Readings: http://www.karisreadings.com
Beauty Blog: http://www.beautymindspirit.com | YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/beautymindspirit

IG: @beautymindspirit

Music: http://www.karitribble.com | Music on YouTube Channel: http://www.youtube.com/karitribble


More in the Series

*click on the images to read their stories*


Saturn Blessings,

Marissa Moondaughter

moon my compass // intuition my voice // crystals my companions

blog <> pinterest <> facebook <> instagram

Follow on Bloglovin

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Saturn Return: Whispers from the TimeKeeper

This is the 5th article in my newest series, Saturn Return. These posts are from amazing souls who have gone through theirs (or are still in their Saturn Return) and are sharing their stories to help us prepare and reflect on the powerful effects the planet Saturn has on our lives. What is your Saturn Return? This is the best explanation I have found.

KV from Aquarius Nation also made this amazing free episode about the Saturn Return on her Earth Walk Podcast. So so powerful!

So grab a cup of coffee or tea and stay awhile. Let your soul be immersed in these stories and learn what you need hear.


::Tara Villeneuve::

Natal Saturn - 6th House (Work, Health and Service)

PS: My Natal Saturn is also at 6 Degrees so Health and Service are spotlighted even 
more and Relationships are added to the mix as well! 

*****

Before we dive into the fertile deep of deliciousness that is the Saturn Return, 
thereʼs something you should know about me.....

Interpreting the messages within the Stars and Planets through Numbers, IS what my 
soul came here to do. Iʼm literally obsessed with all things ʻCosmicʼ and nothing LIGHTS 
ME UP more than guiding a woman to and through her sacred personal cycles! 

The things is, when it comes to exploring the vast plains of potential and experience for 
myself, well, letʼs just say itʼs not something I excel at! Because once I get too deep, 
which in comparison to what I do for others is mere inches below the surface, the 
blinders come up, skewing my vision. But, I digress....

You see, as a Capricorn, Saturn is the ʻrulingʼ planet of my sign, and thus, one of my 
ʻmainʼ sources of Cosmic Medicine. 

In fact, much of my life has had a strong Saturn Return flavor to it. Hell the fact that 
Iʼm even writing to you at all, and about a topic such as this no less, is the very work of 
Saturn himself. 

But hereʼs the thing: Saturn Returns get an awfully bad rap. 

Just surf around online and within minutes you can find more horror stories than Steven 
King himself can shake a stick at. And for good reason since one of THE biggest 
reasons why the ʻSaturn Return can, and often is so damn turbulent is because we 
NEVER see it coming! 

Itʼs like weʼre confidently strutting along our path toward independence one minute, and 
feeling quite INCREDIBLE I might add, and then like lightening collide with the rocky 
terrain below - all the while hitting every possible branch on the way down. 

Now why is that? Well, in addition to the invincible and all-knowing mentality of many 20 
somethingʼs, the unfortunate truth is that VERY few people are even aware of the 
Saturn Return and the impact it has to shape your life, let alone when theirs will occur. 
And even less (as in pretty much no one) receives personal insight and support on how 
to ʻprepareʼ for it ahead of time and use it to their advantage! 

But, in our defense, I will point out that NO ONE TALKS ABOUT THE GREAT 
DESCENT!! And Iʼm not talking about the year of although thatʼs better than nothing. 
And so....... we miss the signs. 

Only to ʻwakeʼ and find ourselves standing (if weʼre lucky) in the cindering rubble of what 
once was. Our 20ʻs gone. Mind, Body and Spirit stripped bare....leaving us raw, in real 
time, for the rest of the world to see, and not knowing why. 

Now what I know for sure is that itʼs time to generate a new flow of experience, 
communication and community around this pivotal juncture that is the First 
Saturn Return.

And so my intention in connecting with you here today, soul to soul, and sharing my 
story, is to inspire a collective spark by shinning the brightest light I can on this transient 
cycle of initiation and becoming. 

The Reflection and the Remembering

For the last 8 months (6 of which were an internal uproarious mess) Iʼve been leaning 
into the furrow of my first Saturn Return.

When Iʼm fortunate enough to find some solitude (which can be tricky with a toddler and 
a business) I can reflect upon this time and realize how it has felt like a great awakening 
from an insensible dream as Iʼve ebbed and flowed between deep and shallow sleep. 
The sweet spot where just as my senses become akin to the sounds of the birds, the 
warmth of the sun, the gentleness of my breath and the rise and fall of my chest; my 
intuition hits like lightening, and I can hear the ticking in my soul.....

Sometimes I dance to its incessant, yet reassuring beat that reminds me Iʼm still alive. 
While others I run rampant on the brink of what feels like my sanity being ripped away. 
Now Iʼll be the first to admit I didnʼt see it creeping up on me, because it wasnʼt long into 
my 28th year before my life became cloaked in discontent, my digestive health started 
to relapse, and I began to question everything as so many conflicting thoughts intruded 
upon my dream space. 

Things that only yesterday energized me, now left me feeling restless as an untraceable 
emptiness came over me and a stinging resentment toward everything began to fill me 
up. (And I felt guilty about every. single. one.)

Then, I remembered.......this has happened before!!! 

It was the summer of 2007 to winter 2008. I was 21. 

And while I had NO CLUE at the time, Saturn (which was squaring my natal Saturn) 
was pulling at me, urging me to wake up, to re-structure, and start creating a life of 
meaning! Humbling me. Preparing me for his Return. 

Hereʼs a snapshot of what went down that year: 
• I graduated college and landed an awesome J.O.B in the fashion industry. Traveling 
swiftly upward upon the path I was certain Iʼd be on forever. 
• Then, I began to despise said job with no clue as to why, other than I wanted to truly 
help people, and without the slightest inclination of how I was going to do that. I 
eventually ended up leaving, only to experience the same shit but in a few different 
piles before I began to get serious and take a really hard look at myself. 
• During that time hopping around my comfort zone, my body was quickly overcome 
with dis-ease (IBS) that eventually threw me into a slippery depressive slope. 
• My 5 year relationship with my boyfriend went off the rails. Crashed and burned like a 
hollywood blockbuster, and I moved back in with my parents (3 hours away from 
where I made a life for myself) while I found my own apartment. And my 
independence!

All the bases - work, service, health and relationships were covered. And while there is 
much more to that part of the story, it was a profound year of soul growth that I never 
thought Iʼd make it through! Really, if I didnʼt now know your return happened around 
28/29 I would have swore to you that was it!

Now even though everything turned out fabulously over the next few years, having to go 
back ʻthereʼ, to really remember how I got there and live it all over again second hand, 
was painful as I cringed in the shadow of illusive possibility that ʻthisʼ could all very well 
happen again. 

So I let myself spiral for a time. In silence. Contemplating every possible negative 
scenario I could imagine, and what I was going to do if it happened. It was a dark wave I 
had to let ride, until I came face to face with my fear. 

The fear I allowed to dictate my actions for as long as I can remember. The fear that 
made me rigid. That made that year so agonizing because I didnʼt yet know and 
understand the importance of learning and personal growth . 

The fear I KNEW I had to transmute to become my fuel.

Tara Cosmic 2.jpg

Entering the Descent

Time Warp to November 2015 - the month my Saturn Return will reach itʼs peak 
intensity. (3 months before my 30th birthday) 

I know I will be nearing the end of a numerological cycle where change is all thatʼs being 
served. Where the cyclical breakdown of unhealthy material attachments will be 
transmuted - and at lightening speed. The kind of terrain where intuition is all you have 
to go on because everything else is in a state of flux. Thankfully ALL will be in the name 
of freedom, soul expression and invigorating adventure! 

I also know that my awareness of my Destiny, as well as my sense of self, particularly in 
relation to my work and relationships, will be significant themes. (This is about as deep 
as I get before the blinders appear and skew my vision) 

Now itʼs only because of this foreknowledge that I can really laser in on my current 
experiences with future eyes and enter the flow of my Saturn Return consciously! 
Otherwise, Iʼd likely be flying semi-blind, building walls and playing life on the too safe 
side. (My default setting)

Itʼs whatʼs giving me the confidence to step outside my comfort zone now, rather than 
being pushed later. (That way, Saturn can focus on lifting me up, rather than helping me 
get sorted out and take myself and the impact Iʼm here to make more seriously!) 
Because if you only take ONE THING from this post (if youʼre still reading, which I 
sincerely hope you are) itʼs that Saturn ALWAYS sends messages ahead of time. 
And that the main reason why things can get so challenging during this pivotal 
turning point in your life is because Saturn REFUSES to leave you behind!! 

So itʼs ok to stop pushing back, and let life sweep you off your feet and do the heavy 
lifting for a time because it ripens you to receive one of the most invaluable gifts that 
Saturn can give, in that he strives to help you craft a foundational mold for your desires 
to take form and thus bring significant meaning to your life!!! (Because when we get 
really honest with ourselves, as it pertains to us personally and not getting our path or 
cycles crossed with someone elseʼ, Saturn Return never upends anything that we know, 
somewhere deep inside ourselves, wasnʼt truly ready to be elevated or released.) 

So whenever you begin to feel discontent, where that heavy kind of emptiness 
starts to seep in and suffocate your essence....THAT....is Saturn speaking!

Telling you that thereʼs MORE to life beyond the walls you continue to run into. That the 
land beyond your current edge is fertile! And that a new flow is emerging that WILL take 
you there, giving you the materials required to forge your path, step by step by step. 

This, is how he spoke to me.....

The Tightening: Messages from the Timekeeper

The best way I know to describe the decent into the Saturn Return Cycle is like a 
tightening thatʼs directing your focus, precious energy and resources in a very specific 
and purposeful way - ripening you to expand and really, to have a breakthrough!
Now even though my Return is over a year from now, there is a plethora of insight you 
can glean about your own life, from where I am. Because we all feel the aura of 
Saturn Return LONG before he comes, and LONG after he goes. And the fact that in 
my case, this intense surge of Saturnʼs Cosmic Medicine will only last 1 month, is also 
the case for MANY more people than you think! 

Which is why Iʼm writing to you from the edge, so that you may come to know, as I have 
come to know, the nature of Saturnʼs whisperous caress upon your life path. Because 
like I said before, no one talks about the great descent into the heart of Saturnʼs Return.
So here are a few of the more ʻshareableʼ whisperʼs Iʼve been receiving and following 
religiously - borderline stalking even - that will culminate over the next 15 months and 
spill over into the next chapter of my adult life creating a potentially thriving flow of 
manifestation:

1) While it was scary as hell when it happened, and Iʼm still emerging from the shadows 
as you read this, in June of this year I was completely disconnected from my work. 
And this was something that literally came out of nowhere! I didnʼt want to write 
anything - which is the heart of how I serve - and literally nothing was flowing anyway. 
Not even the sounds of crickets. Many times I thought of quitting, some of which I 
honestly believed Iʼd be ok if I did. So after 2 weeks of being pissy, forcing out what I 
could and missing a few deadlines, I asked myself what I wanted. During that self 
inquiry, one of my biggest wishes that I acknowledged was the genuine desire to be 
pulled by a continuous flow of inspiration, and let go of pushing my way everywhere I 
got. And Saturn is one of the biggest forces of influence in helping me create that 
new level of divine flow. But first, I had to get seriously real with myself about the 
current flow I was tolerating through my day to day choices. There was a lot of tough 
love, and a few F-Bombs, but it had to happen if I was going to let go of the reigns 
and allow my business to support me! And so the more form I create in my business, 
the more fluidly Saturnʼs Medicine can guide me to bring structure (the high def kind) 
to the creative ideas I intuitively receive, and make plans around the new goals that 
surface. Which, up until now, were lucky if I wrote them down let alone put them into 
action.

2) This one, is by far the hardest for me. Saturn seeks to bring deeper meaning to your 
life, and while it seems out of context (because Saturn is so damn serious) as part of 
that healthy foundation that Saturn is a proponent of, I have been pushed to learn to 
PLAY a hell of a lot more! To loosen the reins, and extend my range of potential for 
joy because right now, Iʼm much more comfortable when Iʼm working than when Iʼm 
playing. In fact, itʼs during play that Iʼm THE MOST outside my comfort zone. So weʼll 
see how this one plays out. (In truth, Iʼm still resisting this one on more levels than I 
knew I had!) 

3) Out of all the guidance Iʼve received thus far, and given that my Saturn Return is 
really working my relationships, this one, is the one I give the most power in terms of 
literally derailing me......again. You see that boyfriend with whom I epically crashed 
and burned with, well, weʼve been together 12 years now (engaged for 5) and have a 
beautiful little goddess of an earth daughter together. Now for the first half of this 
year, it looked as if we were flying off the tracks, again! We fought EVERY New and 
Full Moon - Full Moons being the nastiest as waves of resentment that had festered 
into rage brought out the beast in me. Triggering me more than Iʼd ever been by 
someone by reflecting all the ways I wasnʼt honoring and taking care of myself, and 
all the places I wasnʼt speaking up. If I hadnʼt gotten help, we would have derailed. 
But instead, I was supported to use this celestial force the way it was intended to be 
used, and am now building a stronger foundation that will be borne of a completely 
new attitude towards romance, intimacy and relationship, and in learning how to be a 
lover as opposed to just a partner. 

My top 3 tips on how to ʻprepareʼ for your First Saturn Return

Saturn Return is not seeking to ʻpunish or controlʼ you, but merely to hold seminal space 
for you to receive answers to your current and most relentlessly pressing questions by 
helping you cement the wisdom youʼve gleaned, or need to, through practical learning. 
He does this by presenting you with the exact obstacles you need to grow into deeper 
safety and security of who you REALLY are, and are meant to be, by reviewing and 
renewing that structures imposed upon you by others that hinder that expression. 
So here are my top 3 tips for preparing, and sailing through your first Saturn Return with 
grace and your integrity and sanity intact! 

1) Donʼt let your fear get the best of you! Fear breeds rigidness, frustration and 
confusion which leads to recklessness. More importantly, rigidness, when harbored 
for too long, builds a wall that when itʼs time to co-create with Saturn and receive its 
Cosmic Medicine, will require significantly more force to penetrate, making an 
experience that can be VERY rewarding, more devastating than it needs to be.

2) Pay attention to when Saturn goes Retrograde and leverage it! This happens 
once a year (for about 4-5 months at a time) and is an opportune period to really tune 
into where youʼre not being realistic in how you show up for your life, the issues 
youʼve been avoiding, and where more discipline, structure, fortitude and inner 
strength needs to be cultivated. (Itʼs about taking a breather as the rhythm of life 
slows down so that you can assess your current reality and get serious about whatʼs 
really going on beneath the surface without the pressure of life moving at warp 
speed) 

3) Get a reading! Astrological Charts are as unique as fingerprints! Theyʼre truly one of 
a kind. So! Find an astrologer whoʼs message and tone of expression resonate with 
you and book yourself a session. Not only will they be able to tell you when and in 
what life areas your Saturn Return will be spotlighting, but they should also be able to 
give you some practical action steps to take to ensure your experience is as graceful 
as possible. (Truly, the more support you have, regardless of the modality, the better!) 
Because when you know what areas Saturn is working, then youʼll know what to 
listen for ~ And the language of the Timekeeper will be revealed to you. 

*****

Tara Villeneuve is an Astro-Numerologist, Coach and Founder of Cosmic Soul Medicine:: a starry oasis for highly sensitive souls to rekindle their romance with their sacred personal cycles, and re-wild their cosmic soul. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Website: www.CosmicSoulMedicine.com
Facebook: Freedom Creation Coaching


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Saturn Blessings,

Marissa Moondaughter

moon my compass // intuition my voice // crystals my companions

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