Saturn Return: Papa
This is the 6th article in my newest series, Saturn Return. These posts are from amazing souls who have gone through theirs (or are still in their Saturn Return) and are sharing their stories to help us prepare and reflect on the powerful effects the planet Saturn has on our lives. What is your Saturn Return? This is the best explanation I have found.
KV from Aquarius Nation also made this amazing free episode about the Saturn Return on her Earth Walk Podcast. So so powerful!
So grab a cup of coffee or tea and stay awhile. Let your soul be immersed in these stories and be open to what you need to hear.
Saturn: in Scorpio
A little back story: When I was a baby, my mother lost of custody of me. My father wrestled with his demons and was pretty absent when he was around, and when he wasn't, I was with my grandparents. Eventually my father signed his custody away and then my mother died suddenly in a car crash. My grandparents raised me, my father remained absent until his death when I was 14. My dear Nana was diagnosed with Alzheimers and my Papa had a serious stroke. All in the same year. I grew up pretty fast.
Fast forward to my Saturn Return, I am now taking care of my Papa full time, a year into starting my business House of Aquarius. It began at the end of April of 2014, when Papa was rushed to the hospital. He was diagnosed with a swallowing disorder, pnuemonia and gall stones. He was also severely depressed . He didn't like aging, and he deeply missed Nana and he felt like a failure for his sons problems.
While he was in the hospital, Papa had two surgeries, one to remove the gallstone and the other to insert the feeding tube. I volunteered to help him recover, as he had other family members living in the house plus a daytime caretaker. I wanted to help, and thought to myself “It's only a few days a week, a few hours” But it wasn't enough. He asked me to be with him everyday, and everyone in our family (like cousins, his nephews and nieces, etc.) kept telling me how he was different with me at the house, he was smiling and happy.
And then I could see it. Physically. My love, affection and attention was healing him. I was strict with his schedule, and I also made a few rules, like only a few hours of t.v., only watch programs from his hey-day, taking him outside, playing old music he loved like Patsy Cline and Loretta Lynn. We exercised together, I cooked dishes the way my Nana cooked them for him, we talked about everything, and sometimes we don't talk.
I have learned so much about myself. This has not been easy on me, or my family. I have held my Papa, the man who raised me, as he sobbed in my arms about wanting to die. I have comforted him on his ailing body, bathed him, cleaned him, and together we have fought outside resistance to this change. There was the normal drama of insecurity and scrutiny from some family members. My ethics, morals and patience have been tested by outside forces. Everything about my childhood was used against me viciously. But I had survived once, and although life was hard for me again, I could survive. So did my Papa.
I realized when many people told me my Saturn was in Return, that this situation was really a blessing.
When I was a small child who needed love Nana and Papa were there for me, and this was my chance to repay the favour. I had helped Papa take care of Nana in the early stages of Alzheimers, but now I could show my Papa how I wanted to be here for him. There is no second chance. My life, my business, the world - would be here tomorrow – but would Papa?
For years I had been consumed with grief over losing my parents, and what happened to me as a small child. What I failed to see when I was sad, was two amazing people willing to sacrifice their retirements, fill the void of my missing parents, plus nurture and rehabilitate a scared and lonely child. What I had failed to see for so long, was how they gave me a beautiful life. Nana was so full of love for me, and Papa would do anything for me. I was the daughter they never had!
Now I can see they are my parents. They never put limits on me or what I could do. They allowed me to be sad. They encouraged me to daydream. They gave me experiences to be happy over, like playing at the beach all day, painting, reading books, and never-ending cuddles! One night in May, I held Papa's hand when he wasn't feeling well and I told him “thank you for everything. You have always been so good to me. You were the best Dad any daughter could have. I am so lucky and I love you so much.” Oh how we cried together! But my soul feels at peace, knowing that we have no stones unturned. The only thing my Papa ever wanted me to be when I was growing up, was to be happy. To have a beautiful life. Now as our roles are versed, I want the same for him.
My advice to anyone in a similar situation taking care of someone who is physically dependent on you, and sad, is say “thank you” for such an experience to be trusted so much to take care of them. Do you know what a blessing that is? No guilt, no remorse. You are present at this stage in their life path, the end. Sometimes the most important part! Forgive. Love them.
We are all humans. None of us are perfect. If your ailing loved one says to you “I need you”, tell them you love them and help them. This is not a permanent situation. Nothing is forever. You know the ending. But you don't know how the story is going to go. You can still have your dreams, hopes and desires for your life. You can still create your own future, and help your parent or loved complete their journey.
And for you, when your Return of Saturn punches you in the gut, take a deep breath and really focus on solving your problems. Figure out what you want, what you don't want, what you need, what you don't need. What are your weaknesses? Fix them. Don't do it anymore. Break the cycle. What are your strengths? Fine tune them. Feed your passion. Bask in the glory of how amazing you are. Do what makes you happy with 1000% of yourself. Nobody wants you to fail. Become the person you were always meant to be. You are capable of anything. You will shine.
More in the Series
*click on the images to read their stories*