Saturn Return: The Shakedown

Welcome to the new Saturn Return Series! 

These posts are from amazing souls who have gone through theirs and are sharing their stories to help us prepare and reflect on the powerful effects the planet Saturn has on our lives. What is your Saturn Return? This is the best explanation I have found.

First is my beautiful Soul Sister, LuLu Lam! We went through some intense years together in our acting training and were like two peas in a pod! She is a hooping and yogi Goddess and I am so happy to share her story with you today!

::Miss LuLu Lam::

Are you in the ages of 27-30? Feeling confident one day as you walk by the mirror and catch a glimpse of yourself thinking, “Dang I look good today,” but in the next moment you’re questioning your life purpose, wondering why you were put on this earth? Are you then crying in your car on the way to work as you sit in traffic, scrolling through your feed and living other people’s lives through their Facebook photos? Having an existential breakdown once a week if not every other day?

Me either. But hypothetically if you were, you’re more than likely going through your Saturn Return. That’s right, I just dropped the “S” word.  Don’t worry; I didn’t know what it was either when I first heard it. Last year, I poured my heart out to a few people that I felt were, you know, in-tuned because they were wearing the right hippie garb like sacred geometry accoutrements and felt could hold space for me while I whined about my dramas.  I divulged how in the past year I’ve had falling outs with friends, lost my place to live, got in a car accident and broke up with my boyfriend. Each of them asked how old I was.


“Ahh, Saturn Return...” they’d all reply.

Initially I nodded, smiled sweetly and “Mmmed” knowingly, just like Shit New Age Girls are supposed to.  But really, I had no clue.  Eventually I started to find out that this tumultuous, emotional roller coaster I was riding was actually a normal and natural rite of passage that EVERYONE goes through for growth, understanding, clarity, and a greater acceptance and appreciation for life. 


People began to share their story of their Saturn Return which helped me immensely. Some were so sweet and transformative that it made me believe I was living out some hipster indie flick. (I sometimes fantasize I’m Zoey Deschanel in 500 Days of Summer but in my version, I end up with Joseph Gorden Levitt, clearly.) Other friend’s stories were an old school telenovela, and someone was gettin’ pushed down a flight of stairs. In my script, I was the one that was tumbling.

So even though I still have another year of this wild, life shifting ride according to my astrological calculations, I finally feel a little less cray cray. I've even renamed it. I call it the Shakedown.  

What is the Shakedown?

It’s the Universe holding you by your ankles, shaking you like crazy so that everything that is no longer serving you, can be released and let go of.  Because after that, you feel light and you finally have space to be free, to open up to everything else this life has to offer you. Sure it’s uncomfortable, even fucking painful sometimes, but you can’t deny the thrill. 

Because with the Shakedown comes the Harvest. And now you can reap what you sow. Life begins to unfold what you have been manifesting and dreaming about and you start to come into your authentic power.  Your career, your relationships, your own mortality reveals itself and you realize, it’s all going to be okay. Everything is going to happen when it does, at the perfect time, right when you’re ready.

I know for me, I’m finally learning what it means to trust and surrender. Here in the West that’s another scary “S” word. But in the East, it’s the highest practice of our entire life’s journey. Surrender doesn't mean defeat. It’s actually a way of going with the flow. See when I’m surrendering, I’m not trying to control everything, having an ego trip and worrying about the future or dwelling in the past. I am present, focused on the now, and I get to enjoy this moment. As the Zen Buddhists say, that’s the only thing we really own.

It’s actually so freeing to accept what I have and who I am RIGHT. NOW. 

Don’t worry, I’ll forget all of the above when I’m having my weekly existential breakdown and scrolling on my phone to find the meaning of life in a Tumblr meme. But when I do remember, and this next year passes,  I’m sure I’ll be laughing as I get a turn to share my story of how I got through my Saturn Return. I’ll let you know how it goes but  I have a feeling everything’s gonna be okay.

Saturn Blessings,

Marissa Moondaughter

moon my compass // intuition my voice // crystals my companions

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