This is the 7th article in my newest series, Saturn Return. These posts are from amazing souls who have gone through theirs (or are still in their Saturn Return) and are sharing their stories to help us prepare and reflect on the powerful effects the planet Saturn has on our lives. What is your Saturn Return? This is the best explanation I have found.
KV from Aquarius Nation also made this amazing free episode about the Saturn Return on her Earth Walk Podcast. So so powerful!
So grab a cup of coffee or tea and stay awhile. Let your soul be immersed in these stories and be open to what you need to hear.
I believe we go through changes all the time. Everything does. However, Saturn Returns are the ultimate kinds of changes. No matter what anyone says, there really is no way to prepare for them. You have to embrace them as if you see a huge tidal wave coming and you are far from shore. You have to submerge yourself into the powerful push and pull of the wave... let it take you in, drown you, and feel everything that it demands fill up your lungs. You have to accept it, because fighting it will only make it worse and longer than it has to be. If you can flow and follow its teachings, you will rise up like the beautiful Phoenix that you are, and you will be evermore your truest potential as a human being.
This is my Saturn Return story.
Right before I turned 27, my life fell apart. At the time, I didn't really understand why, but in retrospect, I understand it all so clearly. I was living in Minnesota when the economy crashed and I became unemployed. My heart was excruciatingly devastated from the recent love battles it endured, and I went very internal and knew so much more was coming. I knew I was on a major walk of self-awareness and growth. Bigger than any walk I have ever been on before.
I put all of my belongings into a storage unit, and went to stay with my sister for a while in Indiana. For four months, I wrote poetry, contemplated my life, and really learned what it meant to love myself. Self-love was the first lesson my Saturn Return gave me. After healing my broken heart and figuring out what I should do career-wise, I decided it was time to leave my sister's home and head back to Minnesota again. On the way back, I stopped at my home town in Wisconsin to visit with my father for a few weeks while applying for jobs. I was turning 27 soon and the eye of the storm was coming. I just didn't know it yet.
When I got to my dad's house, I went out that evening to meet up with some friends. That's the night I met my fiancé. He and I were both visiting Wisconsin at the same time which was a very divine intervention. Everything changed. I fell madly in love (the nutritious and delicious kind of love - finally!), and we both decided to stay in Wisconsin for a while and be together. I turned 27 shortly after this and about 8 months after that (after seeing the number 8 show up all the time), I became pregnant with my first child, a son. I also developed my Intuitive Reading business (I had been an intuitive reader for several years, but decided to go out on my own), and focused on making more music and becoming financially independent.
The pregnancy was rough, and I knew I was dealing with something big. This felt karmic to me. The pregnancy, my relationship with my fiancé... the whole thing seemed uncannily familiar. During the middle of my pregnancy, we moved to Minnesota and began to set up a new life there. I felt a lot better being in a bigger city and having all of the options for birth available to me. On May 8th, 2011 which was Mother's Day, I gave birth to my son, Aven. What a sweet gift he brought to me by being born on Mother's Day! It was a very complicated and difficult delivery - but I did it all naturally and I was very proud.
While I was in the hospital, I developed an infection and was given some IV antibiotics. I ended up becoming mistreated by a midwife I was working with and I was sent home too early from the hospital. A couple weeks had gone by and my health really deteriorated. I couldn't walk from the pain, so my mother took me back to the hospital, requested a new doctor, and thus began the most scary and excruciating events of my life. All of my fears about my body, my reproductive self, my fear of death - all of this would be faced in the next several days to come.
Immediately they ordered tests, and had an ultrasound performed. They realized there was remaining placenta in my uterus that wasn't removed after I had given birth. The infection that I had previously, came back stronger than it was before...and began to resist most other antibiotics. At this point, my body was septic. They had to do a DNC to remove the remaining placenta and during the procedure, I lost a lot of blood. I needed to have a blood transfusion. On top of that, the antibiotics they were using wouldn't work because the infection was too resilient, so they had a Disease Specialist come in to give me a new antibiotic that was newer on the market. I remember feeling very weak before this had happened. I also remember feeling like I was fading away. I was fading away and now I know what death feels like.
There was a very crucial moment that occured when I looked over and saw my mother holding my son in her arms. She had to feed him formula because I was too weak to breastfeed and I became so angry. Not the kind of anger I had ever felt before. It was this fire... this kind of rage... that I cannot really explain right, because it's not at all something I've experienced until that moment, or since that moment. It was a moment where I decided, I was NOT going to die. I was going to live and be there for my son. He would know me. I would know him. I would fulfill the rest of what I wanted to do here on this Earth, and that was that. During this intense moment, I started to pull off the wires and things attached to my arms and I started to cry. I started to vent. I released. I flooded my heart with all of the rightful emotions I should've felt leading up to that moment.
And that's when I came back. I was alive, and all of my vitals began to improve after that.
Recovering took a long time, but I managed to take care of a newborn baby and with time and determination - my strength slowly started to come back. I decided I wanted to experience a healing session at a Sundance ceremony in Wisconsin. My brother was going to pierce for me and soon after he did that, I went into a sweat lodge and prayed. When I was in there, I felt there would be more to come. More healing of a major kind. I knew this would be a necessary and it would change my life.
About 4 months after the Sundance ceremony, 6 months after my son was born, I went in to have a lump that formed on my neck inspected. It turned out to be a cyst on my right thyroid lobe. It was requested that I had it removed, which I did, and a few days later I received the worst call of my life.
"You have thyroid cancer."
My heart became so heavy. I immediately started to cry. The fear of death came back again. I didn't know what was going to happen and why this happened. I have been particularly healthy all of my life. So, why me?
The recommended procedure was to have the rest of my thyroid removed, take radioactive iodine to kill any remaining thyroid cells in my body, and take thyroid medication for the rest of my life. However, by now, I had PTSD. The thought of having to go through another operation, experience more hospital treatment, and have the rest of one of my important body parts removed scared me to the point that I just couldn't do it. I needed a break from all of this. I thought long and hard, meditated and prayed about it... and I said no.
Luckily, if there's any kind of cancer to get in life, it's the thyroid one. The life expectancy rate is extremely high, the treatment for it doesn't require chemotherapy or anything too invasive... and if it comes back in my other part of my thyroid - I still have the same prognosis. I have my thyroid monitored very closely now, and so far there hasn't been any signs of cancer growing. If there is, I may have to have another surgery to remove it. However, I feel like I am changing that reality and I don't think that will happen. Regardless, I have peace now if it does.
It took a very long time to recover from all of this trauma. I became extremely depressed, but with time, everything became better. I did end up having to take thyroid medication, because my depression was partially due to an imbalanced thyroid. I am grateful for this medicine.
And during this recovery, my spiritual understanding grew much stronger. Coming close to death, experiencing my fears in full conscious reality - set me up for an understanding that changed my life forever. Upon these realizations, I discovered that my fiance and I had known each other in a previous life and we had a very difficult life together. We both had fears that related to one another. He had a fear of losing the mother of his child after childbirth. I had a fear of dying and losing a child. In that particular life, according to a past life regression, we had lost a child, and I soon died after that as well. Now in this life, he has given me a child - and we both have lived. We are thriving. Karma cleared and we are full circle in balance now.
The cancer that I experienced was a great teacher. I'm grateful for its gift of lessons. It taught me to make peace with the fear I had about death and other attachments to this world that I had. I realize that my voice and my purpose is meaningful and important (throat chakra) and I can do whatever I want with my voice. I can vocalize whatever I want. I realize that I do not need to be sick in order to satisfy false ideals and intentions that came from a society-influenced mind. I am perfect the way that I am. So are you.
I also healed a lot of energetic heaviness and weight that I carried around with me from multiple lifetimes. I understand now that Saturn Returns not only redefine us for this lifetime, but it also implements our soul's intentions while in this lifetime. If your soul wants to heal and deal with other lifetimes of experiences, then Saturn Return will assist with this, too.
As my Saturn Return began to let up (and it does feel like that), I began to feel like an entirely different person. I had to re-learn everything about who I was now. I, at the core, was still "me" - my spirit... but everything else, every layer that permeated from my core was now new. New colors, new feelings, new energies. The closer I approached my 30s, the closer I began to feel toward myself. Closer to myself than I ever have been before. My body is different, too. It feels different and it needs to be treated differently. I have limits that I didn't have before. I also feel close to my body's consciousness, which I've learned is different from my soul's consciousness.
I took the new knowledge, tools, and experience I gained and I use it to nurture all of my endeavors in life. I have learned to be peaceful about death. I've learned to love my body and say gratitude to it every single day for surviving what it did, and I am more grounded and centered, and full of self-love.
I am focused on my new directions in life, harvesting the rewards of being a business owner, musician, mother, fiance, beauty blogger on youtube, and spiritual worker.
Saturn Returns will be intense and full on. They will lighten up here and there to give you breaks, but they are very intense and difficult to experience. They are here to strengthen you and challenge you. They will bring you the best of things and the worst of things. The contrast is very clear.
Whatever you do, don't swim away from it. When you see and feel that tide coming toward you - take it in. Let the water fill your lungs and drown yourself inside of it. You will be a diamond after this. Just wait and see.
Intuition is our direct channel to the Universe. Everything within us is connected to this energetic anomaly, comprised of communicative and expansive knowledge. Kari uses her intuition for these reasons to help guide and assist people with their lives. In her readings, she explains the choices a person has to shape the outcomes they wish to see. She can turn any unpleasant situation into a positive learning experience, leaving her clients feeling at ease after every session. Kari is also a mother, wife, musician, makeup artist/blogger, and writer.
More in the Series
*click on the images to read their stories*